SAVING YOURSELF ;)

There has been an article circulating facebook about a woman who saved herself for marriage but wishes she hadn't and it was actually a very interesting read: click here for the article.

But there have been quite a number of negative responses, especially from religous communities, and there is something i'd like to say: your virginity isn't tied to your worth and neither is the absence of it!

I think the whole idea of virginity is just ridiculous. I identify as sex positive meaning I view sex as a normal part of human nature that we shouldn't be making such a big deal of. It's as natural as pooping, peeing, breathing, menstruating and so on. I think you get the picture. Just because I'm sex positive doesn't mean i'm sexually active....for now at least ;)

You see the whole concept of virginity is in fact related to patriarchal oppression.

That's right, I used the P-word.

Women are expected to keep this invisible badge until their wedding night so that their husbands can rip it off and make them a 'real woman'. This idea of virginity is inherently sexist as a man losing his virginity doesn't matter as much as a woman, or rather, nobody really cares about his virginity. Don't tell me you never thought of it that way.... because I know you have.

Instead of refering to a person's first time as 'losing their virginity', we should refer to it as their sexual debut (in the wise words of Laci Green). Because you don't lose something when you first have sex, you gain something new: experience and intimacy. Unless you had your debut unconsentually, then that's a whole other topic.

However, is it wrong to save yourself for marriage? The answer is:

No. 

It's not wrong to save yourself just like how it's not wrong to not save yourself.  But based on the article and its responses, I think the biggest mistake pre-marital celibates make is that they save themselves not for the sake of themselves, but for the sake of another's approval!

They save save themselves for the sake of their family, society, deity(s), or a future spouse they have never even met! And it is because of this a number of them end up regretting their decision, because they internalize sex-negativity from our negative society. Now don't get me wrong, there are those who don't regret their decision and that's great but you have to realize that everybody is different.

I think what's really important is that no matter what a person's sex life might be like there is one thing we can do to not make them feel like sh*t: minding our own business. That's right, stop sticking your head into somebody's bedroom or wherever they do it or don't do it. Because their body is their choice, and nobody else owns it.

Especially not us.