SAVING YOURSELF ;)

There has been an article circulating facebook about a woman who saved herself for marriage but wishes she hadn't and it was actually a very interesting read: click here for the article.

But there have been quite a number of negative responses, especially from religous communities, and there is something i'd like to say: your virginity isn't tied to your worth and neither is the absence of it!

I think the whole idea of virginity is just ridiculous. I identify as sex positive meaning I view sex as a normal part of human nature that we shouldn't be making such a big deal of. It's as natural as pooping, peeing, breathing, menstruating and so on. I think you get the picture. Just because I'm sex positive doesn't mean i'm sexually active....for now at least ;)

You see the whole concept of virginity is in fact related to patriarchal oppression.

That's right, I used the P-word.

Women are expected to keep this invisible badge until their wedding night so that their husbands can rip it off and make them a 'real woman'. This idea of virginity is inherently sexist as a man losing his virginity doesn't matter as much as a woman, or rather, nobody really cares about his virginity. Don't tell me you never thought of it that way.... because I know you have.

Instead of refering to a person's first time as 'losing their virginity', we should refer to it as their sexual debut (in the wise words of Laci Green). Because you don't lose something when you first have sex, you gain something new: experience and intimacy. Unless you had your debut unconsentually, then that's a whole other topic.

However, is it wrong to save yourself for marriage? The answer is:

No. 

It's not wrong to save yourself just like how it's not wrong to not save yourself.  But based on the article and its responses, I think the biggest mistake pre-marital celibates make is that they save themselves not for the sake of themselves, but for the sake of another's approval!

They save save themselves for the sake of their family, society, deity(s), or a future spouse they have never even met! And it is because of this a number of them end up regretting their decision, because they internalize sex-negativity from our negative society. Now don't get me wrong, there are those who don't regret their decision and that's great but you have to realize that everybody is different.

I think what's really important is that no matter what a person's sex life might be like there is one thing we can do to not make them feel like sh*t: minding our own business. That's right, stop sticking your head into somebody's bedroom or wherever they do it or don't do it. Because their body is their choice, and nobody else owns it.

Especially not us.

CULTURAL APPROPRIATION PART 2: GREY AREAS AND PERSONAL VIEWS

When I last wrote about cultural appropriation, I worte about it from a neutral point of view. It went along the lines of "appreciate but don't appropriate."

Here is part 1

A few days later I was watching a few videos on YouTube about cultural appropriation, this time from the view of its supporters, and to my surprise, most of them were in fact people of colour! There are many views of cultural appropriaiton ranging from "We should all be grabbing everyone's culture!" to "STOP EATING RICE!".

1. It's about sharing

I remember a conversation I had with a Korean friend of mine and I asked what she thought of foreigners wearing the Hanbok (correct me if I'm wrong). She said that she thought it was nice and that we should be sharing our culture as opposed to keeping it to ourselves. She later elaborated her point by saying that she would love to try on every traditional costume from around the world.

It was a rather interesting argument as most social justice warriors I listen to are against the idea of appropriation. I think the problem we people of colour have is an overbundance of pride. We are terrified by the very idea of white supremacy that we try so hard to keep parts of our culture to ourselves...and there is nothing wrong with that.

But think about it like this: the real issue is that people see our cultures as exotic and inappropriate but when someone from a more dominant culture falls in love with our culture and wears a few styles, are they not spreading the idea that our culture should be considered normal?

2. Melting pot nations

I grew up in a melting pot nation compromising of over 100 ethnic groups and races. In order to maintain our unity, our government encourages ALL of us to participate and experience the cultures of all the ethnic groups (clothing, customs, celebrations etc.).

So I was very much surprised when I first heard that cultural appropriation was a big issue, because to me its not (or rather cultural appreciation is not an issue to me). In order to unite a diverse nation, we must allow everyone to experience the same things we do, share our traditions with them and invite them into our cultures.

3. Sacred things are definitely a NO NO

Hijabs, burqas, bindis, headdresses, special jewelery and many more. These are all examples of articles that carry cultural AND spiritual significance. It is DEFINITELY inappropriate to wear these items without fullfilling certain cultural criterias (converting religion, completing tasks, invitations, gifts etc.)...and they are definitely not costumes!

4. Wear it and do it....with respect

As I said in my previous article, there is a difference between appreciation and appropriation, and we must learn to navigate through these ideas. If you are wearing something from another culture that is casual and meant for everyday use, go ahead! BUT do remember if you must wear or practice something from a minor culture, wear it properly and DON'T fetishize it!

5. What would I feel as a person of colour

I remember going into a macaroon shop in Paris and seeing a Kayan mask and going : "OH MY GOSH PEOPLE RECOGNIZE US :DDDD"

I remember going into an Australian restaraunt and seeing nasi goreng on the menu and going: "OH MY GOSH PEOPLE RECOGNIZE US :DDDD". And then I tasted it and went: "meh".

I remember seeing a white man with Iban tattoos and going: "HOLY CRAP I KNOW THAT DESIGN! PEOPLE RECOGNIZE US :DDDD".

To me, I feel honoured when someone of another culture wears, presents or does something that originates from my own culture. Would I get offended if someone danced the ngajat wrongly? I would be annoyed but making mistakes is part of learning. Would I get offended if someone mispronounced Bahasa Malaysia? Nope, I laugh because it sounds hilarious (sorry).

But I will get offended if you are delibiritely trying to mock me.

Videos:

another video sorry no thumbnail

another video sorry no thumbnail

REVERSE DISCRIMINATION BULLSH*T

I strongly believe that people have no right to discriminate against others! And I used to think discrimination is a two way street...in which I now know is NOT.

We must understand what discrimination means and the context it is used in.

discrimination |dɪˌskrɪmɪˈneɪʃ(ə)n|noun [ mass noun ]1 the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.


In order for discrimination to take place there must be an imbalance of social power. Social power refers to the opportunities one can have e.g. the opportunity to work, marry, have certain rights and so on. People with this higher social power are people with a privilege. Discrimination takes place when these privileged groups are prejudiced or bigoted towards a group with lesser social power.

Racism and sexism are prime examples of discrimination.

1. 'Reverse racism' and 'Reverse sexism' are possible....but with a few conditions

Coming from an Asian nation, Asian people are the majority and thus have a higher social power. We hold a majority of political seats, we have more economic power and so on. If I were to be prejudiced towards the racial minority within my country, I AM A RACIST.

However, let's say I'm no longer in Asia. Lets say I'm in the U.S. where Caucasians are the majority. If I were to hold any prejudice against white people, I am NOT a racist, I AM A BIGOT.

In order for me to contribute towards discrimination i must hold certain prejudices against minorities. It will eventually evolve into bigotry if I segregate these minorities. BUT it will not translate into discrimination if I do not hold any social power or privilege.

Same goes with sexism. Women hold lesser social power than men (lesser pay, lesser healthcare benefits). Even the fact that women usually win custody battles is due to discrimination (because women are stereotyped as caregivers and therefore make better parents).

If we lived in a MATRIARCHAL society, then a woman's bigotry towards men will translate into discrimination but because our society is PATRIARCHAL, then a woman's bigotry towards men will NOT translate into sexism.

2. If we treat discrimination as a one way street how can we achieve equality?

We cannot achieve equality not because discrimination is a one way street, but because discrimination exisits! Prejudice and bigotry, though not required, is part of equality as people belonging to certain social groups can just be as equally prejudiced towards other social groups. 

BUT because social priviliges do exist, majority groups cannot be equally prejudiced towards other groups of people. How can you be equally hurting someone if you have a spiked glove while they only have their bare hands?

Discrimination and oppression contest equality whereas prejudice and bigotry is part of it.

3. Double standards whithin groups

Most of you here are familiar with certain slurs such as the N-Word, the C-Word and the F-Word. We occasionally hear these words being used within their social groups and most people are like: "How come you can say it but we can't?"

This is because these words carry historical context that has been reclaimed by these gorups as an act of defiance. For example, the word f*ggot means ciggarette in british slang. Before, and even today in some countries, gay people are burnt, just like a ciggarette, to death for being gay. So if a person who does not belong in the queer community uses that word, it will cause some backlash as the word carries historical context which involves non-queer people oppressing queer people.

But what about slurs like cracker or breeder? Though these word are indeed hurtful and contributes to bigotry, it does not carry any historical context and therefore the backlash is not as severe. Of course I DO NOT condone the use of these words but it's important to recognize the different levels of sociological impact.

What's really important is that we love and respect one another regardless of certain things. I do not condone any form of bigotry whether you are the oppressed or the oppressor. But DO understand, we may never achieve equality so long as discriminaiton still exists.

CULTURAL APPROPRIATION: DOs AND DON'Ts

Coming from an Asian background I am immersed in a huge diversity of cultures, especially considering the fact that the country I am born in is a multicultural one. However, one does take offence when someone literally MOCKS you. I think you all know what I'm talking about...

Cultural appropriation can be defined as:

"the adoption of some specific elements of one culture by a different cultural group. It describes acculturation or assimilation, but can imply a negative view towards acculturation from a minority culture by a dominant culture. It can include the introduction of forms of dress or personal adornment, music and art,religion, language, or social behavior. These elements, once removed from their indigenous cultural contexts, can take on meanings that are significantly divergent from, or less nuanced than, those they originally held."--Wikipedia


I strongly believe that the segregation of cultures isn't beneficial when it comes to the journey towards equality, but at the same time we must learn to respect other cultures and their heritage and we should not carelessly adopt these cultures especially if you are in a position of social privilege.

1. Cultural Appreciation vs. Cultural Appropriation

Most appropriationists would use the excuse: "I'm just appreciating their culture." What they don't realise is the fact that there is a difference between appreciation and appropriation.

To me, the appreciation of a culture is your willingness to immerse yourself into that specific culture, whether it be Japanese pop culture or Greek history. The appreciation of a culture would usually refer to things like research, study and experience. For example, one can appreciate Japanese culture by studying Japanese, learning how to make sushi or watching anime.

Cultural appropriation happens when you take appreciation to a whole new level. Basically you adopt the culture into your own culture without maintaining any respect, thus perverting it.

For example:

This is appreciation.

This is, well.....

2. The integration and modernisation of cultural aesthetics

It is part of my tribe's tradition for women to pierce and elongate their ears as a sign of beauty. Though it is no longer necessary, it still remains a big part of my culture.

Nowadays, there is a trend going around in which people would 'stretch their ears.'

Many of my cousins and friends have begun to adopt this kind of style. I know that it probably doesn't originate from my own culture, but you can't help but point out a few similarities. Unlike my argument about appreciation, this usually done without realising the origins of these aesthetic styles. 

However, I do get annoyed looking at pictures like this:

But then again, who am I to judge? I guess it's important to understand that some people choose to do things with their face and hair which, to them, has a great meaning and significance.

We usually see this problem unfold time and time again with the whole 'white dreads' issue. Dreadlocks  are a symbol of black pride during a time when being black was looked down upon. A lot of people get very offended when seeing a white person in dreads.....and they have every right to be angry!

But as I have said, I think its important to understand that sometimes people have reasons for styling the way they look. Of course I can't speak for the black community but i can speak for the tribal Asian community, the integration and modernisation of aesthetic appearances is something that we probably have to live with. We can get angry and annoyed, but we'll have to learn to accept it.

But things like blackface are still downright offensive, extremely racist and it is NEVER ok.

I'm talking to you Colton Haynes.

3. There is no such thing as 'reverse appropriation'

Most people would complain, saying: "But many people are appropriating white culture!"

And my response to them is usually:

'White culture' as some of you might call it, has been forced into the cultures of people of colour during colonial times. During these times, our aesthetic appearances and traditional fashion were considered to be 'exotic' and even 'savage.' 

This so called 'white culture' (western culture) has now been integrated into the world as a dominant universal culture in which everyone has to follow. I personally don't have a problem with that. I don't mind wearing business suits, tuxedos and so on. I don't mind things like dying natural Asian hair or black girls straightening their hair, which is actually a result of this cultural domination (because being 'white', or close to white, is the standard of beauty).

My real issue is with the way people of a more dominant culture treat minor cultures. Things like reprimanding a black girl for having her hair grow out naturally into afros or dreads, or having a native american man remove some of his traditional tattoos, or apprehending a muslim woman for wearing a headscarf.

That is just ridiculous! I can live with the fact that people of a dominant race are appropriating my culture, but i draw the line the moment you think parts of my culture are 'inappropriate.' Of course I'm not asking to conduct offerings (big part of my culture btw) in public or whatever but at least let me wear certain ornaments or accessories. Or at least let some people grow their hair out naturally! These things are all part of a person's identity!

In conclusion, I think that it is important that we respect the cultures of other people. We CAN appreciate them but remember not to go too overboard. Do understand that the only people who can make fun of a certain culture are the people who belong to that culture, and even that has its own limits.

Here is part 2.

F*CK YOU HETERO-NORMATIVITY

So this will be my first post here and i really didn't plan on writing anything till the following year but i just really needed to address this issue.

So for those of you that are into comics or anything related to marvel, the astonishing X-Men issue 51 has just recently been released which featured one of the first same-sex marriages in comic book history, especially considering the guidelines comics have to follow regarding the portrayal of LGBT characters in the past.

And it is a great step towards a more progressive and equal society! But what really pissed me off was the excuse Singapore gave for not banning the comic, and it was because there were some characters who didn't agree with the wedding therefore, and i quote: 

'allows for the balanced depictions of same-sex relationships if they do not encourage or promote alternative lifestyles.'

And i was just like:

What if the issue featured a heterosexual wedding? Would it be banned because no one opposed a man and a woman being together? Because it promotes heterosexual lifestyles?

You see, my friends, this is a blatant example of hetero-normativty in our culture. For those of you who don't know, hetero-normativity is where people assume that you are, or rather EVERYONE, is straight. 

Singapore is a country where homosexuality is still very much illegal but the law regarding it is rarely, or dare I say, not enforced. What truly angers me is that they treat heterosexuality, like a social norm just like cisgenderism and traditional gender roles and this is a problem in many conservative countries, especially conservative Asian countries. Heck, a few years ago, the Malaysian government released guidelines to spot gay children and students in order to stop homosexuality in schools and these 'guidelines' were based of extremely offensive stereotypes like: gay men have v-neck shirts and lesbians only hang out with girls.

pretty much sums up my reaction

“Its members advised that the theme of the comic was not in line with social norms and is in breach of existing content guidelines,”

What truly angers me is the ignorance these people have shown. The LGBT community has been drowned in hetero-normativty for centuries: weddings on TV and on newspapers, ads showing opposite sex couples and movies that focus solely on a boy and a girl. There are still countries out there that bans movies that feature couples of the same sex as the titular characters in films for christ's sake! 

And does the hetero-normativity turn them straight? NO! NO IT DOES NOT!!!! Because people's sexuality is more complicated than you think it to be. What hetero-normativity does is force the LGBT community into the closet, encouraging them to be someone they're definitely not. By enforcing hetero-normativity, you create segregation and that does not, in anyway, benefit children.

Teaching kids about social norms promotes BULLYING. There are so many children and teens around the world BULLIED for being gay, bisexual, transgendered and so on. You're not helping LGBT kids become straight, you're telling them that they are not as complete a human being when compared to 'normal' kids. This happens especially in conservative Asian countries like the one I live in. Growing up, these children are bombarded with messages from the media and society saying that you have to be like THIS if you want to be accepted, if you want to have certain rights, if you want to please your family, if you want to be treated like a HUMAN BEING, not like THAT and this can lead to serious mental health issues like depression which may eventually lead to SUICIDE!

Hetero-normativity is a step towards homophobia, and that is just sad.